Depression and the pressures of being a Mum | Luxury and Silver Linings

overwhelmed

 

So here’s something that I’m ready to share. I’ve been on anti-depressants for a handful of weeks now.

Whilst I didn’t really want to go on them (having been on them before and experienced some of the side effects) I had to acknowledge that life had ‘caught up to me’ and I was not coping too well.

As a young woman earlier in my life I would have laughed at myself if I said ‘Depression is a luxury’ (and please please please do not think that I glorify depression or trivialise it either, as I know FIRST hand how awful it can be and destructive to both one’s mind and their lives | relationships | work etc).

I shall explain… In previous years when I have experienced depression and anxiety,

I have had the ‘luxury’ to take time off work to lie in bed all day and feel terrible.
I have had the ‘luxury’ of going home to Mum and Dad at the drop of a hat to have some recovery time.
I have had the ‘luxury’ of being able to just ‘fall apart’.

Now however, as a Mummy, there is simply no space for such ‘luxuries’. I HAVE to seek help as soon as I feel my mind fighting AGAINST me. I HAVE to talk to my friends and family and TELL them what I’m feeling. I HAVE to get myself in to a good space again as soon as possible…for me |yes| but also for the little people who I brought in to this world and who rely on me. I NEED to LOOK AFTER ME – for them!

So yes, whilst Depression could be considered a ‘luxury’ to indulge in, I now find that the additional pressures and little ones who need me, FORCE me to get help and therefore not be down for as long as I have been in the past | I am forced to action for my mental health now | and I find that I am so very thankful and grateful for this.

My ‘silver lining’ in the haze of pressures and mental cloudiness.

 timetobehappyagain

NOTE: By the way, the ‘crazy pills’ have worked really well, saved my sinking mind and probably my marriage too! I know they are not the quick fix as a permanent thing, but they have brought me to a level where I now feel able to cope with dealing with all the triggers that brought me to the need for them.

What do you think of the analysis I have made of this? Does this ring true for you too, or do you feel differently about this?

xx

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7 thoughts on “Depression and the pressures of being a Mum | Luxury and Silver Linings

  1. This resonate with me. At the moment my husband doesn’t work as he is officially my full time carer and I feel that I fall apart easily and more often because I can. I have this back up plan and support system. When I was in the middle of everything and doing it all, then I didn’t fall apart cause I couldn’t. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not.
    I’ve been on meds for years now. Different brands, types, doseages. It really helps to change your language around them. I stopped referring to them as drugs but as medication. You would never deny someone medication when it is needed. And it is needed. Congratulate yourself on recognising and acting upon this.
    Big hugs.

    • Absolutely Sarah, you would NEVER deny someone in need of medication, and yet there is still such a strong stigma attached to these types of medication and mental illness in general. If you have a broken leg, people say put a cast on it you poor thing.
      But if your mind has turned on itself (for any number of reasons) the response is still all too often “just pull yourself together”.

      But the more we talk about it and share it and help everyone who has experienced it, the better it will get.
      Thank you for for sharing a bit of your story here too xo

  2. Nothing so refreshing as an honest read. Anni, I agree that if you can *recognise* the black dog coming at you, it is so much easier to stop and say woah I need some help with this thing. I used to joke that I’m going to have my meltdown later in life, because when I was bringing Curt up on my own I couldn’t afford “the luxury” of letting it all get to me. It wasn’t funny looking back, but I learned to recognise the signs when I felt myself falling apart and always remind myself it will eventually pass – but I often needed my Mum, sisters and friends to remind me of that. Depression kills – it kills love, joy, spontaneity, laughter, the ability to see the silver lining – basically all the great things in life. I’m all for anything that helps bring that back to people, and is why I’m a big believer in taking pills to help bring you back to (and sometimes keep you) even. Love to you. X

    • So beautifully said Lou.
      And illustrates again the importance of turning to our loved ones | family AND friends | to gain the help and space needed to get through to the other side, and if needed some help and assistance from a doctor.
      And for some that means permanent medication as opposed to a time limited dose – and what a gift that is if one does need it, that we don’t have to suffer on, being unable to live outside the cage in our heads.
      I’m all for it too!
      Love you back Lou Lou xo

  3. I hear you babe. I am at that point right now where I don’t feel like I can cope using my old “luxuries” either. Panic and anxiety keeps creeping in no matter how hard I try to escape it and I know my baby girl can feel it too… Sometimes she doesn’t even want to come home from day care! Thank you so much for sharing your story on this, you’ve given me the courage to do something about it, instead of wishing for a luxury xxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • I’m sorry to hear that you’re in that space as well El, but I am glad that you have found something within my own experience and words to gain the courage to take action.
      That | taking action | I have found, has been the very hardest step of all at times, MAKING the time in the ‘madness’ to get help, to talk to someone, to even admit it to myself that I need help and can not longer ignore it.
      And yes, our little people totally pick up on it. I have noticed a peace in the boys the last couple of weeks, that simply was not there a few weeks ago. They would pick up on my mood and the consequential fights that Jake and I would have, and a ‘manic-ness’ would spread throughout the whole house!
      Its nice feeling a calm from within me now that I KNOW they feel too.

      I’m here if you need anything El – Love ya guts xoxo

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