A bad week…then Tennant Creek

crying tantrum

So despite my ‘magic drugs’ I’ve still been struggling.

I had a terrible week around 2 weeks ago – lots of going to bed late, lots of getting up late, lots of procrastination, and lots of not many good choices being made,

“lots of lying on my back at the bottom of a pit,
kicking my legs in the air.”

At the time I had lots of guilt and anger mingled in with dissapointment with myself and a good dose of self loathing.

Why can I not be strong enough to be the woman I know I can be?
Why do I continue to make choices that see me ‘standing beside the REAL me’ – the woman I WANT to be?
Why do I come back to this place when I know both how NOT to get here and HOW to GET OUT of here?

Well, for me, I think I was relying too heavily on the false sense of security that my happy pills would be my ‘quick fix’ and that I wouldn’t need to ‘work’. But I do. I have to work – HARD. I need to consciously make the right choices for how I want to live my life, FORCE myself sometimes to DO the things that I WANT but am not automatically doing. That AUTOMATIC comes after the work of practice and maintenance to create the RIGHT HABITS that then become automatic. 

So, a bad week it was | yes | but, it’s done now, and gone, and no one is hurt out of it, nothing has been permanently damaged, nothing has happened that cannot be turned around – including my attitude and feelings about myself as a person and mother. 

Tennant Creek

Following my bad week, I took a road trip down the middle of the Territory to the town of Tennant Creek to visit my beautiful sister Hannah who has recently made the move to the land of red dirt and magnificent clear clean starry nights. Hannah has followed her heart, that takes the shape of her lovely man | and I applaude their love and her courage at making quite a big move, and not only to just move, but to embrace the life, her new home and the people who are now regularly in her life. 

I love hearing and watching her talk animatedly about the wonderful characters who she has met and now shares an experience with – that she finds joy in the quirks of people, that she so enjoys and soaks up their stories and adventures and then embraces their sharing. 

I love this wonderful, eccentric, passionate, raw, strong, exquisit woman I am lucky enough to call one of my sisters – and how unbelievably blessed can one be to have not 1 but 3 of these magical creatures in my life!!

I will leave this here for now, but I will expand on my Tennant Creek adventure in my next post.

 

For now however, I hope you have all had a lovely last couple of weeks | and if you haven’t I hope you have gained some new knowledge about yourself, your heart, your mind or even just to marvel at your ability to come through tough times. 

I have so much love for you all.

x Anni x

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “A bad week…then Tennant Creek

    • Thank you Sar,
      It is a hard place this space in our heads sometimes … we really can be our own worst enemy. I am thankful however that whilst we are so responsible for our own misery at times resulting from our thoughts | we also have the same if not stronger power within, to be our own best friend. Thank you for reading and for your words of encouragement x

  1. Three things.
    1. I love that you did a road trip with your beautiful Mama to go and see your equally beautiful sister. How fun 🙂 These are the things that make memories.
    2. Like Sarah said, be gentle on yourself. You are an incredible woman with so much to give to everyone in your life. More often than not, when I find myself in ‘the bottom of the pit’ (admittedly, it can sometimes be self-sabotage that gets me there), it’s your light and your words that help guide me back to where I belong. You are beautiful, and kind, and wise and you’re an amazing person, whether you always feel that way or not.
    3. xoxoxoxox

    • My darling Mara, goodness I adore you!
      Thank you for your beautiful words, and just as you say that I lift you from the bottom of the hole at times (of which I am so happy I can be there for you), you do the same for me 🙂
      Life is a brighter place for people such as yourself in my world!
      Love you xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s