So despite my ‘magic drugs’ I’ve still been struggling.
I had a terrible week around 2 weeks ago – lots of going to bed late, lots of getting up late, lots of procrastination, and lots of not many good choices being made,
“lots of lying on my back at the bottom of a pit,
kicking my legs in the air.”
At the time I had lots of guilt and anger mingled in with dissapointment with myself and a good dose of self loathing.
Why can I not be strong enough to be the woman I know I can be?
Why do I continue to make choices that see me ‘standing beside the REAL me’ – the woman I WANT to be?
Why do I come back to this place when I know both how NOT to get here and HOW to GET OUT of here?
Well, for me, I think I was relying too heavily on the false sense of security that my happy pills would be my ‘quick fix’ and that I wouldn’t need to ‘work’. But I do. I have to work – HARD. I need to consciously make the right choices for how I want to live my life, FORCE myself sometimes to DO the things that I WANT but am not automatically doing. That AUTOMATIC comes after the work of practice and maintenance to create the RIGHT HABITS that then become automatic.
So, a bad week it was | yes | but, it’s done now, and gone, and no one is hurt out of it, nothing has been permanently damaged, nothing has happened that cannot be turned around – including my attitude and feelings about myself as a person and mother.
Following my bad week, I took a road trip down the middle of the Territory to the town of Tennant Creek to visit my beautiful sister Hannah who has recently made the move to the land of red dirt and magnificent clear clean starry nights. Hannah has followed her heart, that takes the shape of her lovely man | and I applaude their love and her courage at making quite a big move, and not only to just move, but to embrace the life, her new home and the people who are now regularly in her life.
I love hearing and watching her talk animatedly about the wonderful characters who she has met and now shares an experience with – that she finds joy in the quirks of people, that she so enjoys and soaks up their stories and adventures and then embraces their sharing.
I love this wonderful, eccentric, passionate, raw, strong, exquisit woman I am lucky enough to call one of my sisters – and how unbelievably blessed can one be to have not 1 but 3 of these magical creatures in my life!!
I will leave this here for now, but I will expand on my Tennant Creek adventure in my next post.
For now however, I hope you have all had a lovely last couple of weeks | and if you haven’t I hope you have gained some new knowledge about yourself, your heart, your mind or even just to marvel at your ability to come through tough times.
I have so much love for you all.
x Anni x