So here’s something that I’m ready to share. I’ve been on anti-depressants for a handful of weeks now.
Whilst I didn’t really want to go on them (having been on them before and experienced some of the side effects) I had to acknowledge that life had ‘caught up to me’ and I was not coping too well.
As a young woman earlier in my life I would have laughed at myself if I said ‘Depression is a luxury’ (and please please please do not think that I glorify depression or trivialise it either, as I know FIRST hand how awful it can be and destructive to both one’s mind and their lives | relationships | work etc).
I shall explain… In previous years when I have experienced depression and anxiety,
I have had the ‘luxury’ to take time off work to lie in bed all day and feel terrible.
I have had the ‘luxury’ of going home to Mum and Dad at the drop of a hat to have some recovery time.
I have had the ‘luxury’ of being able to just ‘fall apart’.
Now however, as a Mummy, there is simply no space for such ‘luxuries’. I HAVE to seek help as soon as I feel my mind fighting AGAINST me. I HAVE to talk to my friends and family and TELL them what I’m feeling. I HAVE to get myself in to a good space again as soon as possible…for me |yes| but also for the little people who I brought in to this world and who rely on me. I NEED to LOOK AFTER ME – for them!
So yes, whilst Depression could be considered a ‘luxury’ to indulge in, I now find that the additional pressures and little ones who need me, FORCE me to get help and therefore not be down for as long as I have been in the past | I am forced to action for my mental health now | and I find that I am so very thankful and grateful for this.
My ‘silver lining’ in the haze of pressures and mental cloudiness.
NOTE: By the way, the ‘crazy pills’ have worked really well, saved my sinking mind and probably my marriage too! I know they are not the quick fix as a permanent thing, but they have brought me to a level where I now feel able to cope with dealing with all the triggers that brought me to the need for them.
What do you think of the analysis I have made of this? Does this ring true for you too, or do you feel differently about this?